Well, hello all! I wanted to just put a little somethin’-somethin’ out there. This month, on February 21st to be exact, Frank and I will have been married for 14 years. 14 YEARS since we made the commitment to each other to love until death do us part. We had a strawberry ice sculpture at our wedding (because of my past and current love for strawberries), strawberries in general all around–everywhere, a Winter Wonderland and MOST awesomely–my dad who married us. Frank also surprised me with a song he sang to me during our ceremony.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is almost HALF OF MY LIFE ago. I am 34 years old. MIND BLOWN.
Anyways! The first 6 months of our marriage: passionate bliss but also passionate NON-bliss. We were and still are two “Type A” personalities. Put ’em together and what do ya got? Bippity-boppity-bent-steering-wheel! Haha. Yes…we had such ‘engaged’ arguments that Frank bent the steering wheel to one of our cars one time. IN HALF. Another time, I pushed him to such a level of anger that a hole the size of his fist went in the drywall of our first apartment. It was a year (or 2 or 3 or 10) later of truly learning ‘the dance’. And not only learning how to ‘dance’ gracefully, but also having wisdom on the whole ’cause and reaction’ thing. That’s not only for scientists, you know. Ladies, we push those ‘buttons’ sometimes–do we not? Guys, you react to the pushing of the buttons sometimes, do you not? And we are STILL learning ‘the dance’, but are getting much more smooth and gracious with it–which is the GOAL after all, is it not??
I feel that in our 14 years together as a married couple, we have made INCREDIBLE strides. We are so thankful for the strides we’ve made together. Not in a boastful way, because we still fall {very} short and are aware of that. But in a way that is saying: “LOOK what God has done! LOOK what He and He alone is DOING with two stubborn, obstinate, pigheaded people!” Imagine for a moment how God sees the unions of married folks He puts together: He knows and sees the AMAZING and absolutely beautiful ends to our married races. It’s up to us to run these races and not throw in the towel. It’s up to us to keep on keeping on…when the going gets mandatorily selfless. And selfishness is forced OUT, because there’s simply no room for it. (And if there is a room of sorts that we put aside for selfishness: queue the discontentment, discord and hell on earth.)
I know there are unique situations that causes ends to these unions. What I am talking about here is the day-to-day stickiness that will help us keep traction on the slippery slopes. If you have been divorced and are re-married: This is for you too. Don’t look at your past and feel or ACCEPT any condemnation. Your starting line is NOW and move forward in that truth. Move forward. Never backward.
I know there will be folks reading this who are not married, and I hope this still encourages you. These same principals can be embraced in family and friendships–OR–if you’re looking and praying for a spouse in your future.
Frank and I have grown to be a well-oiled machine together. (And can I just say that I can’t WAIT to see what the next 14 years holds!!) Sometimes this machine needs fuel, a new coil pack or a new hose or fan, but it’s seasoned with oil and it runs efficiently. The more we KEEP these machines well-oiled (which is a day-to-day process/habit) the LESS time we are in ’emergency’ mode. Let’s be honest here: Emergency mode SUCKS. We’ve been there before! Anyone ever been stuck on the side of the road dialing someone…ANYone to come and get you?
Everyone’s story is different in marriage. Whether it’s in the beginning, middle or end. Comparison to other’s relationships can be a HUGE Debbie-downer…that’s for another post. Comparison also SUCKS.
But we’re all unique people–we always say that as a human race. We are UNIQUE to our very cores. So it would also make sense that our marriages and relationships are also UNIQUE, would it not? What works for one will not work for the other, and visa versa. We’re two UNIQUE people being put together as ONE. Just think about that for a minute…
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Your minute is up. Mind blown? If it’s not, you didn’t really THINK about it. Try again!
Give YOURSELF grace. GIVE YOUR SPOUSE GRACE.
Frank & I still have our ‘moments’ of stubborn, obstinate, pigheadedness. Yup. Sho ’nuff. But you know what? There’s no one I’d rather be having those moments with than him. He will drive me the point of _________ sometimes, but he’s my partner and my well-oiled machine mate. Frank is a man of integrity and he’s like a rock for me. His name actually means “Free Man”. His walk with the Lord is so tender but “warrior-esque” and just… free. He and the Lord have a visible and tangible and unique relationship–it’s one that runs our household and that I feel so VERY confident in. I know it’s going places and I want to go with it!
I could go in to all of the scriptures about what a husband is to be for his wife–but I won’t right now. Frank is ALL those things to me and completes bonus levels all time…it’s the little things, you know. Buying whole wheat bread or organic veggies because he knows I like it, or telling me to go to the gym on a fussy-kid night or giving me a back rub with NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES, husbands. (Sometimes those back rubs come with a motive, mind you. Haha! Keeping it real.) BUT those 14 years of learning to love selflessly can sure teach a lot if you’re a good student to God’s truth and design for marriage. Frank has grown to be one of the best that I know.
This race is not easy. It’s sometimes very difficult. And not only because of our union-of-uniqueness, either. It’s because of our calling in life and being forerunners together. We, as just us two at home together at night–can put TEN THOUSAND DEMONS to flight(Deuteronomy 32:30). Commitment, union and honor. Love. Build up your shield of protection against the hellish darts which will surely come. Those darts may sting for a little bit of time, but they will surely be quenched if you are aware of the water that needs to be poured on the impact points. Forerunners in God’s Kingdom will always have interesting wounds at one time or another. Learning the target points, especially in a marriage, will keep us more efficient at tending to it all. Here’s to tending to the wounds, and the ground taken for the Kingdom each and EVERY day. Bon Courage!!
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